I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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