we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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