Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
