Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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