Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
