I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
