that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
