just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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