That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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