We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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