Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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