Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
