): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So here I am, sexting at work.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
