i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
