nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
