i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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