god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
