im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize