I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
