you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
