I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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