I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize