god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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