Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
