dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
