I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
