drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
