if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
