Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
