youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
