My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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