My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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