Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize