Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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