What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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