she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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