Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
