well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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