This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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