I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize