this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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