OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
