I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
