Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
