u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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