I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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