Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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