you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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