my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
