I'm laying in your front yard are you home
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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