Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
