Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
