they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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