You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
