he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
