the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
