none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He kissed a someone with a penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize