Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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