he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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