Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
