it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
