Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ladies don't puke and tell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
