I am spending my child support on dildos
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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