piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
