the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize