I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
