Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
