She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
