so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize