You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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