Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
