Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you had me at cake vodka
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
