Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
